I don't know who said it originally, but I heard someone once say,
"Turn your wounds into wisdom."
There are lots of great definitions of what wisdom is but to me, this is so relatable. I can't count how many times I've made dumb choices, but after the painful process of picking myself up along with the broken pieces, hindsight taught me a valuable and painful lesson; wounds became wisdom.
There are many wounds I've accumulated because of my own choices, but there are also many I've picked up from other people. I'm thankful for leaders in my life whose wounds became my wisdom. What I'm learning is that Jesus doesn't waste wounds; He uses them.
I want to share some leadership wisdom, axioms even, that I've learned through my wounds but most of which I've gleaned from others.
1. Pay Attention to How You Feel After Spending Time With Someone.
Life is made up of leeches and peaches.
Leeches suck you dry. They’re draining. They take, take, take and contribute nothing. Their lives are marked by drama. They’re driven by their emotions and they’re highly dependent. If you've offended them in any way, or been unable to live up to their ambiguous standards, they neeed to let you know. It's like if they don't tell you how they feel they'll melt right there on the spot.
All pain, no gain.
Peaches are sweet and nourishing. They’re satisfying and filling. They add value to your life and are life-giving. These people care about you, they want to love you, serve you, and support you.
We’re not meant to be DEPENDENT, OR INDEPENDENT, but INTERDEPENDENT! Relationships are designed to be reciprocal, and two-way.
Sure, there are times and seasons when people need support and love and so it is one-sided, but unfortunately for some people, it's just the way they do life.
Pay very close attention to your energy levels after spending time with people. We're not meant to be everyone's friend; we can't be.
Is your circle made up of leeches or peaches?
2. Look People in The Eyes and Tell Them The Truth.
It’s been said that some meetings could be an email. I’d add that, some emails should be a meeting.
If we value someone or something, set the table relationally. We invest where there’s value.
Nobody enjoys confrontation but confrontation in the family of God is different than it is in the world.
Worldly confrontation = to make someone smaller. Belittle them.
Godly confrontation = to enlargen them and make them bigger.
Whatever that looks like for us, look people in the eye and tell them the truth. Don’t say a lot of nothing. Here’s what I know, people will respect you for telling them the truth more than they will for covering it up politely. And whilst we’re at it, let’s not do it over an email.
It’s been said people will forget what we say to them but will remember how we made them feel.
Cowards speak about people, but it takes a person of courage and substance to look people in the eyes and tell them the truth.
3. Look For Patterns Not Potential.
Some people have all the gear but no game.
Potential is not synonymous with power.
Someone said to me once, “Never promote someone to responsibly; promote them from responsibility.”
In other words, elevate them to positions that match their posture.
The world is trained to spot potential but we’d be better at noticing patterns.
Don’t listen to what people say, pay attention to how they live.
In a generation that idolises giftedness and promotes charisma over character, we'd save people a whole lot of pain and confusion if we recognised patterns instead of rewarding potential.
If we notice patterns we can bring correction and leadership that protects the potential inside them.
Potential is just uncooked steak - it can be a tasty meal, but eaten too soon will cause a whole lot of pain.
4. Bleed Up Not Down.
Emotionally unaware people spill their problems to everybody and anybody. They bleed everywhere; it's messy, unnecessary and creates chaos.
Good leaders bleed, but they bleed up and not down.
If you're a leader or a person in a position of influence, your responsibility is to bleed UP. Go to your leader and let them have it all. Be honest and vulnerable and real! That takes guts.
My old pastor, Grayson Jones, used to say often,
"Let's fight for each other publically and with each other privately."
In other words, to protect people, fight for unity and keep relationships we'd be honest with each other but protect each other in front of other people. In that sense leaders fight battles nobody will ever know about.
That's the best leadership advice I've ever received regarding relationships.
The problem is people do the opposite; they fight for each other privately but with each other publically. It's weak.
If you don't have anyone to bleed up to, get a mentor or pray for a leader!
5. You Replicate What You Tolerate
Challenge bad culture immediately. Before there’s ever a stronghold there’s a foothold.
A lot of our leadership issues are just small things we didn’t challenge that grew. A little infection becomes a big problem left unchecked. A little fox has more damage potential than a Goliath because the damage is small and subtle.
The problem is that by ignoring the small we're empowering it to multiply and grow.
What we tolerate we replicate.
If there are any little foxes in your life, now is a good time to go fox hunting.....
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